It's Me Again!

Hi, it's me again.
The chick with the cancer.
The bald chick.
Yeah...that chick.

What's been going on in the lovely state of VA? Chemo, that's what. Round 3. The one I have NOT looked forward to.

My oncologist sat & listened to all of my concerns. He assured me that some of the things I've heard won't happen to me because it's different medicine. But that I should be concerned about others. What kinds of things, you ask?

Fingernails - my body may, at any moment, decide that my fingernails need to go. At this point, they are no different than hair.

Fatigue - I believe his exact words were, "Fatigue is cumulative" which is doc speak for "You're gonna be f'ing tired for a long time."

Tingling feet/hands - This fun side-effect started last night. It wasn't so much a tingle as it felt like someone lit the bottom of my foot on fire. Sure, some may call that a tingle. I call it pain.

Illness - It's flu season people. Peak flu season. And VA has widespread flu this year. How do I avoid getting the flu? Doc says treat everything I touch like it has the flu. Treat everyone I meet in a store, restaurant, on the street, like they have the flu. Avoid shopping/people altogther if possible. This can be done. Face it...there aren't too many people I like anyway. And I have online shopping, and a husband who can follow a list like you would not believe!

My period - Sure, no one wants to talk about the blood bath in the middle of the month. Mine was supposed to disappear. And for a few glorious days, I thought it had. And then that bitch snuck up on me and WHAM! Go get a pad, lady. You're gonna need it. I relayed this info to the nurse, along with the number of times I empty my bladder & bowels, because these people LOVE to hear all of the juicy details. The doctor walked in and said, "I hear we had a travesty." I said, "Yes, my period. Dammit."

Anyway, away from bodily functions to chemo #3.

Someone explain to me how I got stuck with the nurse from hell? It doesn't really drum up lots of confidence when she has to keep asking what to do and where stuff is. Now, I know all nursing wards are different and you aren't used to things yet, but still. I do not want to be the guinea pig when dealing with the chemicals that are chemotherapy.

When accessing my port, which she must not do much in her inpatient surgical ward, she missed. Missed. Yes...MISSED my port with that giant fucking needle in her hand. And I do not exaggerate when I say this needle is at least 2" long. Quite possibly even longer. It got in with little more than the feeling of pressure/no pain thanks to my awesome numbing cream that I apply before going in. Sounds okay, right? I didn't feel it MISS, so it couldn't have been that bad, right? WRONG! When the nurse started trying to make sure the blood would come out, I got a horrible "OMG! OMG! PAIN! SOMETHING IS WRONG!" kind of pain in my chest. So, she sits with this needle half in/half out while trying to figure out WTH to do with me. She needed a new tray, but couldn't leave me hanging (literally). Thank goodness Nurse Jackie came to the rescue. And thank goodness Nurse Jackie watched over her should like a freakin' hawk when she accessed the port again. And thank goodness Nurse Jackie was our 2nd med checker before the newbie started infecting me with poison.

After I was done with meds, I walked a few laps around the infusion center to get my BP back up. No way was I giving them a reason to keep me any longer!

Friday night wasn't bad. I ate. All good. Nausea was minimal.

Saturday consisted of lots of sleeping. Tried to eat, but didn't get much down. Nausea was a little worse.

Sunday, Neulasta shot at 8:30 am at a hospital an hour away, which meant we had to get the kids up at 6:30. Fun. Did a quick shopping trip through Dollar Tree, picking up only what I needed, leaving behind anything that looked like it could contain the flu bug. Much hand sanitizer was used. We got home to find our power out. It stayed out for, what, 5 hours? Grilled some burgers. YAY for protein! I napped. The kids played outside. Ate some chicken & rice. Some came back for round two. Nausea varies depending on position. As long as I don't turn my head from side to side, stand up, sit down, turn around, or walk, I'm okay ;)

So, tomorrow, I fully expect some sore bones. If not tomorrow, in the coming days. I'm sure those days will consist of lots of heating pads, pain meds, and naps. Hopefully the little guy cooperates.

Upcoming appointments:
Wednesday, Jan 16 - Radiation Oncologist to discuss possible radiation
Friday, Feb. 1 - Chemo #4 - quite possibly the LAST ONE!
2-3 weeks after chemo, repeat PET scan to see what's left (hopefully NOTHING)

Peace out...
Suzi

P.S. Excuse the rambling, run-on sentences, and occasional misspelled word. My Ambien is kickin' in!

Ramblings Of An Insomniac

Hi, my name is Suzi, and it's been 10 days since my last blog.

Man, I suck at blogging. Well, I guess by the title, one would suspect it's just a blog about cancer. But since there isn't much new in the world of MY cancer, there hasn't been much to blog about.

What's new in cancer news?
On Sunday, December 23, I got my Neulasta shot, which boosts white blood cell production. The shot "may  cause long bone pain". Yeah...I hurt so bad, I could barely move. I felt like someone was trying to break my pelvic bone in half. Thank God for Oxycodone.

Yeah...that's it. Nothing else new. Just trying to stay healthy in the midst of flu season. So far; so good. Next chemo treatment is 1/11/13, which also includes a visit with the onco doc.

What else has been going on, you might ask? Oh, you didn't? Tough. My blog; my rules.

Winter break is over. We all survived without killing one another. The kids were well-behaved for the most part. Christmas came & went. We all had a wonderful day. NYE came & went. We all had a wonderful 2012. Yada yada yada.

I'm tired. I can't sleep. Cancer is supposed to make you weak and tired. I'm always sleepy at the wrong time. I have plenty of medicine that would help me go to sleep right now. I just don't want to be that girl who gets the "I survived cancer and all I got was a lousy addiction to sleep meds/pain killers/Ativan" shirt. Nathan says to try to count sheep. When I close my eyes, I cannot, for the life of me, think of what a fucking sheep looks like.

What else is new? Oh, the dishwasher quit. And, no, I don't mean Nathan. Yesterday (well, Monday, to be exact), I loaded that SOB down with breakfast & lunch dishes. When I turned it on, it made a noise. I opened it, peered inside like I knew what I was looking for, and slammed it shut again. When it started, it sounded fine. Flash forward four hours or so...I opened the dishwasher to find steam, near-boiling standing water, and saucers so hot I needed a pot holder.

Apparently, Handy Husband attempted to disassemble it while I was in the bathtub, and all he got was a cut on the finger (which we shall hear about from here to eternity).

Screw it...I'm going to take an Ambien.

Chemo - Round 2

Yesterday morning, Nathan & I dropped the kids off at the neighbor's house bright & early and headed to my second round of chemo.

After drawing blood, they sent me up to see the doc. He didn't have much new to say. Basically he just addressed some issues I'm having (sore feet & insomnia) and sent me on my way. He did say that my potassium is low and that my hemoglobin is getting to the point where I have to start watching for symptoms like shortness of breath, pale skin, fatigue, rapid heart rate, etc. If it gets lower, I may need a blood transfusion. Fun!

Back in the infusion center, my nurse started pumping me with fluids. Her evil plan to make me exercise (by walking back & forth to the bathroom) was once again successful. 5 trips this time! The chemo meds weren't too bad, other than the awful taste. In case you didn't know, some people can taste meds given via IV. I can even taste the Heparin she gives me at the end. YUCK! Thank goodness for Jolly Ranchers!

Yesterday afternoon, I had a few bouts of severe nausea but never got sick. Today has been much the same. I slept until 11 & then had a wonderful day with Nathan's dad, stepmom, and brother. They brought half of Toys R Us to the kids. We spent the afternoon & evening watching the 3Es play in the middle of the living room floor. It was so great! LOVE my babies!

Bone Marrow - CLEAR!

Today, I had to go in for blood work & a quick visit with the oncologist. He is very happy with my progress so far. The swollen node in my neck is visibly smaller, and my cough is gone! This means the first chemo treatment did exactly what we hoped it would do: started shrinking the tumor! WOOHOO!

Doc said my labs look great. I'm showing no signs of Tumor Lysis Syndrome, which would mean my body is having trouble getting rid of the dead/dying cancer cells. My kidneys are functioning just as they should, so he's happy with that (as am I). I have to continue on Allipurinol (for uric acid) until my next treatment, but should be able to discontinue it if my kidneys can keep up.

The long-awaited results of my bone marrow biopsy show that there is NO BONE MARROW INVOLVEMENT! WOOHOO! This means that my cancer is officially Stage II B. My International Prognostic Index (IPI) score is 1. Each point 0-5 is a poor prognostic factor. I have one, which was high LDH (lactate dehydrogenase). He said it's barely high, but still high. A score of 1 is considered the low risk group. You can read more about IPI at this link, but let me assure you, it's good news! 

So, with the good news of the bone marrow biopsy, our current plan remains pretty much unchanged. 3 more chemo treatments and then a repeat PET scan. That scan, along with a visit with the Radiation Oncologist, will determine whether more chemo and/or radiation are needed. 

Upcoming appointments:

12/21/12 (maybe...Mayans?) - blood work, oncologist check-up, chemo treatment
12/23/12 (yes...a Sunday) - Neulasta shot (to boost WBC production...and make my bones ache just in time for Christmas)

(Almost) Bald Is Beautiful

Several of the medications in my chemo regimen cause hair loss. It's not a matter of if my hair will fall out, but when it will. I've read/heard different time tables...anywhere from 10 days past the 1st treatment to right after 2nd treatment. Since my hair was down past my shoulders, I worried about the mess that would come when it starts falling out. I've heard that it doesn't fall out a few strands at a time. It's like your hair follicles just open up and your hair runs away screaming.

So, in order to avoid as much of the upcoming mess as possible, and in order to prepare the kids (okay, and myself) for the shock of bald Momma, I decided to take matters into my own hands. My sweet hubby stopped by and talked to the lady who normally cuts my hair last week. (Big confession...I don't pay huge prices to get my hair done. I go to Great Clips. LOL!) She said she would be honored to shave me bald. How sweet! She even offered to come out to the house to shave it for me so we could avoid crowds/gawkers.

After much discussion, I decided that Saturday was the day. 8 days post-treatment. After a great visit with (one set of) the ILs, I tried to take a nap. But as I lay in bed, tossing & turning, I started to chicken out. I got up & told Nathan we had to leave immediately...before I decided against it.

Before we left, I read the kids a new book we got called "Mom Has Cancer". It's a great little picture book that explains a lot.

As we walked across the parking lot to the hair place, my heart was pounding. I was more nervous about walking through that door than I've been any other time during this whole ordeal. Well...maybe with the exception of the port placement.

We picked a great time to go. There was only one customer there, and my hair lady was almost done with her. We sat for a few minutes, and then it was my turn. My hair lady confessed that she was very nervous, having never done a buzz cut on a woman. I told her that we could be nervous and possibly cry together.

Here I am, gearing up for the big cut!

Now we're halfway there...

WOW...

They were left with this big pile to clean up...

Bald is beautiful! Thank you, Amy!

The only person who cried was the other hairdresser in the shop. We all stayed strong!

Emory loves my new cut. He says, "I will love you even if you don't have any hair."

Evie likes it, and even asked if she could cut all her hair off.

Emmit hates it. He wouldn't touch my head, and informed that I am not allowed to pick him up at school unless I wear a hat.

Nathan says it looks pretty cool.

I love it, except for that whole cold head thing. Thank goodness for caps & scarves!

I Have Cancer

I have cancer.

I have non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma.

I have Stage II-B Anaplastic Large Cell Lymphoma.

I have cancer.

It doesn't matter how many times I say it. It doesn't matter which words I use. It still sounds like I'm talking about someone else. I know it's real. I know it's inside me. I feel bad. I have who knows what kind of poison running through my body attacking this shit. But it just doesn't seem like I, Suzi Mitchell, could possibly be talking about myself when I say the words "I have cancer."

I guess it'll really sink in later. Maybe when all my hair falls out. Maybe when I go for my next round of chemo. Maybe when I hear the word "remission". Who knows. I'm sure it'll sink in at some point.

Stage II B

Yesterday, my oncologist met with us before my first chemo infusion. While we're still waiting on the results of the bone marrow biopsy, he has gone ahead and staged my lymphoma. Stage II B. Stage II means the cancer showed up on the PET scan somewhere besides the main tumor. It is also in a few lymph nodes on the right side of my neck. B means I'm having other symptoms, like drenching night sweats and weight loss. Once the bone marrow biopsy results come back, the stage may change, but it doesn't change the early treatment plan. It'll just let us know if there's more cancer to fight. He said it's likely that there is some in the marrow, as I am anemic, but he's hopeful there's nothing there.

My first chemo treatment went well. The longest part was getting fluids. They apparently wanted to make me spend most of the day walking back & forth to the bathroom. Their evil plan worked. I made 6 trips to pee while we were there. The three chemo meds only took about an hour. One was an hour long drip. The other two were pushed via syringe. It wasn't so bad, except for the strange tastes in the back of my mouth. 

I slept all day yesterday and all night last night. I've been tired today, but I ate a giant plate of spaghetti. It was divine. After having eaten very little over the past 2 weeks, that huge plate really hit the spot. And thankfully, it has stayed in that spot. 

Nathan has been awesome with the kids. I can tell they are testing his patience, but he's doing great. They don't understand what all is going on, so they are up to their usual badness.

Thanks for your continued thoughts & prayers.